She Knows She’s Different

Imagine that you are trapped within yourself.  You try to communicate with those around you, but they don’t understand what it is that you’re trying to say.  You feel alone and scared.  You want to do great things with your life, yet you are unable to comprehend complex issues related to learning.  That’s what I often think my daughter is going through…

Her communications disorder is something that I see, yet I can’t fully understand.  She can speak clearly, but she can’t always find the words to say what she really means.  She gets frustrated and embarrassed when others don’t understand the concepts that she tries to explain.  She fights back the tears when her teachers call on her in school, because she is embarrassed that she doesn’t always understand their questions.  She thinks the other students feel like she’s stupid. 

This week, she got her report card.  She received an A in every subject.  I was so proud!  I took her shopping to reward her for her good job.  Later that night, she began crying and saying that she wasn’t smart.  I reminded her of the good grades she got on her report card and how she got to go shopping for trying so hard.  She started crying harder and said, “I don’t deserve all that stuff, because my teacher had to help me.  I didn’t get good grades on my own.” 

I never realized how deeply such a disorder can impact a child, until that child became my own.  I thought that she would be proud of her grades, but she isn’t.  She just wants to do things the way other kids do.  She doesn’t want to need help.  My heart breaks…  I can’t kiss this boo-boo away.  We’ve done everything we know to do for her, but it’s not enough.  How can I tell her that she’ll probably never be like the other kids?  I can’t!  Instead, I tell her that she is an amazing little girl.  I tell her she is my hero, because she never gives up.  I tell her that she is different, but that different isn’t always a bad thing.  I tell her that she is so smart that the teachers aren’t sure how to teach her.  Maybe, she’ll believe me someday.

If only I had the knowledge to go along with my heart!!!  I so desperately want to help children like Caity, but I don’t know how.  I’m going on to get my masters in special education, but even that, is not enough.  I don’t want to touch their lives, I want to change their lives…

Attention Deficit and Communication/language disorder

Starting now, I’m going to dedicate much of my blogging time to writing about children with learning disabilities.  Specifically, I will write about communication disorders and Attention Deficit Disorder.  Why?  Because two of my children struggle with these issues, and I want to share my thoughts, feelings, lessons, and future knowledge about this topic with others who are looking for answers.  I wish someone would have been here to share their heart with me, because it can be a very lonely and discouraging journey for a parent, on behalf of their child(ren).

For now, let me begin by saying that children, all children are amazing!!!  They are often the greatest teachers upon earth, yet they are seldom acknowleged for their greatness.  I believe in them.  My goal is to make them believe in themselves.

With that said, let me share some quick facts with you about such disabilities.

~These children are often very intelligent.  It is NOT a sign of stupidity, laziness, or a lack of effort… 

For instance, imagine that you are in one room of your house, with the door shut.  Imagine that your child is in another room, and you are trying to teach him/her their math facts.  Would it work?  Of course not!  Well, think of ADD and Communication/language disorders as the door between your child and the teacher, parent, or concept.  It is more difficult to learn with an obstacle in your way…  What if you could open the door?  Well, as parents, teachers, and humans we need to find a way to do just that. 

I’m determined to try to open that door for my daughters, as well as for other children like them.  I’m planning on getting a masters in special education, but I’m convinced that it’s not the degree that will solve this problem, it’s a lot of love and a lot of heart and soul…

She wants her independence!

She wants her independence!

Friday, February 17, 2007

My oldest daughter is quite the unintentional comedian.

Just a few months ago, she decided that she wanted her “independence.”

In an attempt to persuade me to allow her to do more things on her own, she threw herself on my bed, began kicking her legs in a tantrum, cried and yelled, “I’m not a baby! Why won’t you let me do what I want? I just want my independence!”

I was a little shocked at her outburst, to say the least…

At first, I began to get angry with her. I mean, she was being somewhat disrespectful by yelling at me, but it was so unlike her.

Then, for whatever reason, I began to laugh hysterically. It was the funniest thing I have ever witnessed….

I threw myself on the bed beside her, began kicking my legs, and yelled, “How can I give you more independence when you’re acting like a toddler? Look at me, I’m twelve and I’m throwing a toddler tantrum!”

Believe it or not, she turned to me and said, very calmly, “Mom, your weird. Stop acting like that. You’re acting like a baby!”

I laughed even harder… But, in the midst of laughing, I said, “I’m acting just like you.”

Her last comment was, “Point taken.” She’s never brought the topic up again.

Four sick kids, a sick husband, and deadlines to meet. I’m exhausted!

This has been the week from you know where!!!

All four of my daughters, my husband, and myself have been sick with a stomach virus.  Yep!  We’ve had the nastiest of all common illnesses, and we only have one bathroom !  You can imagine…

As if that’s not enough, I have journalistic deadlines that are set in stone.  You’d think that the deadlines are more authoritative than the 10 commandments.  (Well, maybe that’s not a good comparison, since many don’t view the commandments as law, but you get the point).  No-matter what, the deadline is set…

So, I’ve been up late tending to my needy patients, working on my stories, doing homework, and trying to keep myself focused through my own nauseousness.  It’s been quite a ride.  Needless-to-say, I’ve reached a point of exhaustion.  If you’re a parent who has been in a similar situation, then you know exactly what I mean.  It’s that point where you can’t hardly keep your eyes open, yet you can’t rest or sleep. 

 And yes, in case you’re wondering, my husband does help as much as possible.  He’s been a wonderful help!!!!

Snow day – The kids are closing in on me!!!

I don’t know about you, but I dread snow days!  The kids are always so excited when their school announces a closing…  I always wonder if they’ve lost their minds:)  What is so great about six people being cramped into one house on a nasty, icy, snowy winter day?   Well, that’s what it’s been ALL WEEK!!!

Here’s a look at this week around my house…

~ One sick toddler, who doesn’t yet understand the warning signs of vomitting…  Yuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Another sick child, who has asked me, repeatedly, why God isn’t hearing her when she tells him that she doesn’t want to get sick again.

~ A tween daughter who seems to think that the world is coming to an end whenever she’s told that she needs to do something.

~ An infant with a runny nose, and poopy diapers that just add to the stomach virus problems for the two vomitting children.

~ A husband who planned his vacation for this week.  He thought he was going to relax for a few days!  Ha!  He should have known better…

~ My husband and I were going to go out for Valentine’s Day, but that didn’t happen.  We’ve not been able to go out alone since August! 

***** I’m to the point that, when they’re all well, I will carry them on my back to work and school just to get a day of peace*****  (Somewhat kidding).  I mean, if driving conditions are the primary reason for closing school, then forget driving!  We’ll create our own story about walking ten miles to school in 2-feet of snow.  Really, it’s only about 6 inches of snow, and less than a mile to the school.

Anyway, maybe next week things will be back to normal…