She Knows She’s Different

Imagine that you are trapped within yourself.  You try to communicate with those around you, but they don’t understand what it is that you’re trying to say.  You feel alone and scared.  You want to do great things with your life, yet you are unable to comprehend complex issues related to learning.  That’s what I often think my daughter is going through…

Her communications disorder is something that I see, yet I can’t fully understand.  She can speak clearly, but she can’t always find the words to say what she really means.  She gets frustrated and embarrassed when others don’t understand the concepts that she tries to explain.  She fights back the tears when her teachers call on her in school, because she is embarrassed that she doesn’t always understand their questions.  She thinks the other students feel like she’s stupid. 

This week, she got her report card.  She received an A in every subject.  I was so proud!  I took her shopping to reward her for her good job.  Later that night, she began crying and saying that she wasn’t smart.  I reminded her of the good grades she got on her report card and how she got to go shopping for trying so hard.  She started crying harder and said, “I don’t deserve all that stuff, because my teacher had to help me.  I didn’t get good grades on my own.” 

I never realized how deeply such a disorder can impact a child, until that child became my own.  I thought that she would be proud of her grades, but she isn’t.  She just wants to do things the way other kids do.  She doesn’t want to need help.  My heart breaks…  I can’t kiss this boo-boo away.  We’ve done everything we know to do for her, but it’s not enough.  How can I tell her that she’ll probably never be like the other kids?  I can’t!  Instead, I tell her that she is an amazing little girl.  I tell her she is my hero, because she never gives up.  I tell her that she is different, but that different isn’t always a bad thing.  I tell her that she is so smart that the teachers aren’t sure how to teach her.  Maybe, she’ll believe me someday.

If only I had the knowledge to go along with my heart!!!  I so desperately want to help children like Caity, but I don’t know how.  I’m going on to get my masters in special education, but even that, is not enough.  I don’t want to touch their lives, I want to change their lives…

She wants her independence!

She wants her independence!

Friday, February 17, 2007

My oldest daughter is quite the unintentional comedian.

Just a few months ago, she decided that she wanted her “independence.”

In an attempt to persuade me to allow her to do more things on her own, she threw herself on my bed, began kicking her legs in a tantrum, cried and yelled, “I’m not a baby! Why won’t you let me do what I want? I just want my independence!”

I was a little shocked at her outburst, to say the least…

At first, I began to get angry with her. I mean, she was being somewhat disrespectful by yelling at me, but it was so unlike her.

Then, for whatever reason, I began to laugh hysterically. It was the funniest thing I have ever witnessed….

I threw myself on the bed beside her, began kicking my legs, and yelled, “How can I give you more independence when you’re acting like a toddler? Look at me, I’m twelve and I’m throwing a toddler tantrum!”

Believe it or not, she turned to me and said, very calmly, “Mom, your weird. Stop acting like that. You’re acting like a baby!”

I laughed even harder… But, in the midst of laughing, I said, “I’m acting just like you.”

Her last comment was, “Point taken.” She’s never brought the topic up again.

Searching for the baby that they stole

There are many things that I don’t understand in this world.  I don’t understand how anyone in the United States could go hungry.  I don’t understand why orphanages are so full, when so many good people would love to raise those children.  I don’t understand why violent criminals are sent back out into society, when it’s a fact that they are likely to commit another violent act.  I don’t understand why many of our veterans are living in poverty.  Most of all, I don’t understand why child molesters just get a slap on the hand for their crime…

I recently heard about a man who gives legal representation to sex offenders.  This man doesn’t think that anyone should be able to say where a sex offender can or cannot live.  He thinks that it would be okay for a sex offender to live beside a school.  His list of beliefs go on forever…  Personally, I question the man’s motives.  Why would anyone, especially a parent, say that they wouldn’t care if their neighbor was a child molester.  (He didn’t say it in those words, but how else can you interpret it)?

I have a few opinions on this matter…

First, I do agree that the actual crime should be clearly stated on a sex offender registry.  Why?  Because, I would not feel as threatened by someone who was eighteen and was charged with having consensual sex with a 16-year-old.  That’s totally different than a sexual predator…

Secondly, in my opinion, anyone who abuses a child in this way should never be living anywhere, except prison.  I don’t want them in my neighborhood, though some are.  I’m not mean to them, but I don’t trust them, and never will.  

I know, there are probably some of you who think that I’m being a little harsh, but let me explain.  I’ve known several people who were molested, and they don’t get over it.  They are violated, to some degree, for the rest of their lives.  Though they may go on to live productive lives, they are forever changed by this act of violence. 

A mother once said, “They brought back a different child.  She looks the same, but she is not the same.  It’s been ten years, and I’m still searching for the baby that they stole.” 

Her daughter was in the other room when the mother spoke those words. 

Her daughter had been sexually abused by her uncle.  He, the uncle, spent 12 months in jail for the crime that forever changed this little girl’s life.  Now, as his life goes on, she is still being treated for Post Traumatic Stress.  She’s struggling to keep up in school, when she wasn’t before the abuse took place.  She has had to take anti-depressants to cope.  She’s seen therapist more times than she can count.  She’s still scared, confused, and isolated by her pain. 

This child told.  How much worse is it for the many who are too afraid or ashamed to tell anyone.  What will happen to those children? 

I understand that people can change, and I do pray for people like this.  I don’t hate them, but I do not believe that our children should be the bate to see if these people are “better.”  In my opinion, not everyone deserves a second chance to commit the same crime…  It’s a sad thing when people spend more time in jail for stealing someone’s money than they do for stealing a child’s innocence… 

 It’s just an opinion.